ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
