margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize