It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I think my vagina is haunted
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
