I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
