don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize