one two three fourrrrnication!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
