Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
