Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
