Sry I called you an 8
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
