They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize