come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
