her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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