that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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