I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
