And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
