You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
