he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
