Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
