And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize