i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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