Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
