I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
