She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
