a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
