that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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