Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
