Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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