she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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