My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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