I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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