I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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