Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
