You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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