She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
