I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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