just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
