Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize