The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
