I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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