...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
