How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
