i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
