I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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