I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She's the barista slut.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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