the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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