I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
