bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
