totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize