Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
