You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
