I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
