Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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