No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
