The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
