So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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