He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
