I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
