Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
