the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
