do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
