I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
