I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
