I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
