he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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